Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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