i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
