My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
