I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
