i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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