Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
