3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
