I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
