:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
