Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
