Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
