I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
