Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
