Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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