I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
