i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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