now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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