I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is my gift to your gina
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
