Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
