you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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