I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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