I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
