I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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