ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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