Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
