The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
