If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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