True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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