You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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