You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
