Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
