So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
