my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think your dad took our porno
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
