ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
