hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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