Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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