I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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