im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
