Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize