you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
