..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
this will be a night to untag.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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