My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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