Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
