I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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