That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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