the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
