i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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