I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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