Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
