Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
