I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
