dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
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So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.