I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.