I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
