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• (312): View more from Illinois

  We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.

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• (650): View more from California

  my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah

  (415): View more from California

  and she bought it?!?

  (650): View more from California

  yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

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• (+27): View more from South Africa

  I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.

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• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.

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• (516): View more from New York

  you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  right. well we all have our lows.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?

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• 

  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.

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• (212): View more from New York

  Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.

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