I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok