I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.