The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.