even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.