I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
