But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sext me about skeletons
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
