porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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