Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
