I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
