I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
where are you?
Hypothermia
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
