I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
