girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
