MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize