He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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