bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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