you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize