i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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