Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You were trust falling into bushes
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
